I needed to box up my heart yesterday

 It has been a very very interesting couple of days.  I’d like to share an experience yesterday, at the vet clinic…

As I was composing myself, I became overwhelmed with the NEED to take a quick walk.  I needed air, real air…deep shuddering suck it in as far as I could, gulps of fresh air. I NEEDED movement also, as trembling pent up emotion had been threatening to erupt, and there had already been plenty of emotional upheaval, cries and tears, sobbed out and spilled forth, by staff members, for a three year old lab, named Luna. This dear, trusting, and yes, unhealthy canine, was brought in to us, for euthanasia. The distraught owner was not able to stay, so I offered to assist the doctor, and love and pet her dog as she transitioned “beyond the veil”…

I’ve done this before, many times, as love and compassion finds it way forward, sheltering my heart in the process, so as not to frighten the animal. So, taking a deep breath, meeting the doctors eyes, silent words were exchanged and we met in the exam room.  This very sweet, trusting lab mix, wiggled to greet us, thumping her tail all the while. We both sighed, saddened by what was to come.  She was given a sedative, again simply trusting…and as she began to feel the effects of the sedative, fear set in…primal….and she began to wail, and moan, and cry.  In her stupor, I could feel her questioning, and grasping and diving deep into a place of confusion. This is truely an unusual response, and it rocked us back on our heels. We stroked her, talked to her, doing what we could to reach her, and help her find her place of quiet.  It was not to be.  The panic plowed down any possible path to peaceful release.  Greg came into the room, taking it all in immediately.  He crouched down, and held her face, crooning to her, trying also to help her find a calm place. More wails, more fear…employees were at the other end of the clinic by now, behind closed doors, trying to block out her distress, as they fell into pieces.  Greg sat back, asking again how old was she, what was the situation, had they tried to find a home, had we done all we could….and then simply said, quietly, that he really shouldn’t take on another big dog…looked at me, and  I smiled gently, shrugged my shoulders, and, well, that was that…Luna ended up on the surgery table, biopsies were done, bloodwork drawn, labs sent out…gazillion fleas removed…ears cleaned (and cleaned and cleaned and cleaned)…and while she still slept, I bathed her…and loved her and…..brought her HOME…one more special needs critter to add to our pack.  I just want to say, how much I love this man, who at once, makes me crazy, stretches my patience, challenges me like I’ve never been challenged before, and then, always, continues to startle me awake…knocks on that box around my heart, loving me just as I am, and remains my sanctuary.

I’ve no idea what tomorrow will bring, or tomorrows tomorrow…so, for today, as I reflect on yesterdays turmoil and subsequent unfurling of Luna’s story, I find myself grateful…lighter…quieter….deeper….with heart wide open…

Peace and Light all thru you and around you,

~weaver

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